IRAHHVI

Friday, October 31, 2008

Social Studies Booster Programme; heck of a see-saw.

Finally, the days are over. Okay, sure I'm exxagerating about that because it's only on for two days, an hour for each day. Mr Fariz's method of teaching is funny and productive. Well, one day isn't enough to show his true colours to us right? Today's lesson was hold by Mr Goh, our ss teacher. I love his sarcastic and lame jokes. HA HA, very funny.

Supposed to go for dental checkup yesterday but I skipped. Again, skipped dental again. I'M JUST AFRAID OF THE PAIN AND THOSE DRILLINGS OKAY. freak.

Have you ever had an argument with your teacher? Your form teacher? Well, I had mine. Alot of times but what happened today specially pissed the heck out of me, alright. I don't know what have got into teachers now adays.

Bias.
Unfair.
Unreasonable.
Last and foremost,
CRUEL.

I'm sorry Miss Lee, but like I said, that Bangle and necklace belongs to me and I'll do whatever it takes to have it back. You've confiscated it waaay too long and I ought to have it back now. Not returning my stuff back just because I came back to school with my hair coloured and I wore friendship bands on my wrist? C'mon, student expect leniency during school holidays. And it's not like I did not try and find other alternatives to meet up with the school rules. Hey, I got brains. That's the reason why, I'm saving up to buy black hairspray for school. At least I'm using my own friggin' money. Yes, what's the need to save up? It only cost you at most 11 bucks. Hey you, I've placed myself in this position whereby I risk myself in getting scoldings from teachers, I'll find my own way out alright.

When I called you so that I can meet up with you and get my stuff back, you said you would only return either one of my stuff cause I did not get Top Three in class like I've promised. Hey, I do have high expectations of myself and I know, I did not meet my own fucking expectations but isn't Top Ten good enough? I got myself promoted and have a safe placed in 4N2 and why must you say that you're disappointed with me and my results? I care much more of my parents feelings towards my education rather than yours. You're the person I turn to when I'm having the hell of my life with my mother and now, you're just making my life more miserable. You think your words about my results doesn't hurt me? Everytime I talk to you about my results, I would want to scream the shit out of me and cry as I face my back to you. C'mon, the least you can do is encourage. I know I'm sucha big let down to many people but still, I'm just like you, human being with feelings.

See, nobody understands me.

Why must you pressurize me? Even after exams?! For god sake I don't understand a single thing. I tried to be nice but I couldn't. That's why I stormed off after talking to you. I want my stuff back! That Bangle is so special to me because a friend of mine gave it to me during the Genting Trip and since then, I wore it almost 24/7, seriously. That necklace was gift from ~~Saiful~~, my ex boyfriend. The necklace is nothing but the locket is the one I've been wanting to have back. The locket, is the only thing that I have from him and I need it. Even about relationship you can't understand?!!.

OH MY GOD MY LIFE IS OFFICIALLY AT THE WORST STAGE.

I've lost the will to live. fuck it.

& long hours of band, I'm just not sure about it.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I'm craving for PANCAKES.

Yesterday night, I went down to the shop to find the pancake mixture. Somehow looked desperate. Nope, they don't have the mixture. They use to have it. Angry.

So I called Mother just now and she said she will go and find it for me. I waited for her return with the Mixture. Nope, she said she can't find it. Sometimes when she says that, I wonder whether she really can't find it or she didn't find it at all. Well, I want pancakes!

Besides getting so craze over pancakes, I have not been spending my holidays well. Tomorrow is when intensive band practices begin and I've got to be honest, I'm not fully prepared for all the pressure and tensions.

OKay look, I'm pissed off with the fact that I can't indulge myself with pancakes. I can't blog properly.

UGH.

Oh yeah, I'm missing my Turboy Bestfriend like so much. But yeah, we do text message now and then. And he just said that there's another me there at Langkawi. Look alike. HAH. what the hell. okay.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Saturday was awesome but not the end of the day. Nadiah, shut up. HAHAHAH.
It's cool, we don't know them. And I happen to be chinese, right? AHAH.

Woke up early and slacked till nadiah came over. Wash up and got scolded by mother for having my hair coloured. Finally, it's over. No more tryna hide from her and forbidding myself to stand under the lights or direct sunlight.

Got dressed almost 6pm and left home to NANA Bestie Bbq Party over at her Condo. Taxi there and the fare could kill someone with heart attack. Nevermind. I was hoping, well both of us was hoping for Silas to attend but he didn't. He didn't got the time and all other stuff. Never mind, I shouldn't have expect him to come if not, I wouldn't be in such state. What's worst, I was told that Nazree, the ex crush will attend. Heck, he didn't too! You know, at that point of time, I thought that all guys hated me. Knowing I'm there, they don't wanna attend. But thanks to Nana, I'm all fine (:

Her food was awesome. The chicken wasn't cooked well. COMPLAINT. haha. Her Birthday Ice-cream cake was the best. So yeah, headed off almost 10.30pm and bus-ed home with Nadiah. Reached home before Midnight. Hugged goodbye and yeah, home sweet home.

I thought mother would be welcoming me home with nags and all sorts of accusations and histories but hey, she welcomed me home with a cherry tube mini dress with a white cardigan. Thanks Mother. Wash up, did my prayers and off to bed.

Sunday morning was a waste of time. I force myself to get out of bed and headed off for Religious Class. Was already late and was worried sick of what my teacher who want to do to me. Reached, the Mosque was empty. No slippers. Then I recalled, there's a celebration over at the nearby Primary school which I've already planned with my mates not to turn up. tsk.

Dad drove me home.
Didn't attend Mr Isham's wedding later that afternoon even after tons of pleading by Nabil.

Speaking of which, Nabil should be off to Langkawi already by now with other mates. Ah, sure I'll miss that jackass bestfriend ):

OH yeah, Father topped up my prepaid yesterday morning and guess what, I've sent 202 msges in 1 and half days. Still sending more. Oh yeah, thanks Nabil Turboy for the Handphone! (:

Tomorrow morning, will be meeting up with Nadiah. Have to go to Poly for take my blood test results and then chillax with her before heading to school at 1pm for stock check.

I AM REALLY GOING TO PERTH.
SURE GONNA KICK SOME ASS WITH CAROLINE, MY ROOMATE FOR THAT TRIP.
HUAHAHAHA, CAN'T WAIT. Not forgetting, the main aim of that trip, to perform well.

Friday, October 24, 2008

THURSDAY, LAST DAY OF SCHOOL.

Many people acted like hooligans when the bell rang yesterday. I was happy and relieved that I've ended my Sec Three and promoted to Sec Four. Ain't satisfied with my results but hey, there's still time. It's not like I'm not working hard right? Well, Miss Lee too, just don't seem to see that I tried my very best. Tsk, never mind.

I wasn't feeling well before the blood test. Condition became worst after the blood test. I teared while in the process of having the test. Gah, never mind. It doesn't hurt. It's only that I'm afraid of needless and bloods as in, alot of it. So yeah.

So, after school slack awhile in class. Took pictures with classmates. Decided to give band a rest cause I wasn't feeling that well again. So, went home.

Today morning, headed off to school with Purple Red Hair and teachers actually asked me and kept on saying " wah, school end yesterday now the hair colour already ahhh ". Okay, gave my passport to Miss Chong and chilled in school with Nadiah while waited for the rain to subside. Left school and went to Banquet for Breakfast. Headed to Yuza's place and again, I met the parents. Tsk! Chilled and left home with him. Then, headed to Nad's place while Yuza left for Prayers.

Guitared, lunch bites with Nadiah at her place.Webcam-ed. Bus-ed home! (:

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

I ALMOST RAN AWAY,
JUST TO BE A 15 YEAR OLD.

........

I know my English sucks much but some tenses and stuff are common sense you know. I can't imagine people with broken English and still attempt to blog like me. I know, I know, I'm not the only one who can blog or who blogs like this but hey, YOU'RE just making it too obvious.

There are quite afew things I'm not happy with you and that's the reason why I did not smile when we bumped into each other lately. Yeah, I looked at you but I did not smile. Nah, it doesn't matter anyway. I just don't understand why. It's been quite sometime I notice you mirror me. I have to say babe, it's friggin' irritating and I hope you kindly stop what you're trying to do alright. Thanks.

Band Teachers, $ 476 is alot of money. I know I've got to pay up bit by bit but I can't. Apparently, I got into another crisis with Mother today, just before I wanted to leave home to take blood test for Perth. Argued & she said I can't and I won't be going to Perth. I don't know what to say. She makes all the decision. It's not that I didn't fight for it cause I've fight the best that I could to the extent that I wanted to leave home just now. So, I don't know. gah!

I've been practising Guitar lately. Fun! and it hurts! Never mind. I've picked up a couple of songs, Fall For You ( which I don't think the chords all sounds good ), I miss you? by Moffats and
Thunder by Boys Like Girls. Awesome, thanks to my friends and Brother (:

SEP tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to it. Thanks to Mother, I am not into anything right now. I hate it. Tsk.

Leave home, bring clothes, THEN I get to be a 15 year old.

I'm pissed off, really.

Silas, imy.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Alright, this entry isn't one of my technique to get those people's attention or whatsoever.
It's just that sometimes, I don't quite understand these people.

Here's the situation.

You've finally let go of the December 2007 past and actually moved on knowing December will never ever never ever! come back. You know the guy whom you love that time will never love you now or in the future. You know the guy broke his deepest promised which is to make you the Happiest ____ ( insert your name ) your friends and you have ever seen. You know that missing, thinking and missing that person more now doesn't make any difference nor change your life any better. You knew it all, but still, your heart is soft that you could actually forgive all those harsh sins and heartbreaks he have caused and want December to come back and have a Happy Ending..

Apparently, this particular guy recently told my friend that he misses talking to me and misses me ( i don't know, but I was told that ) And, still feel guilty about December. He told your friend that he feels shy to talk to you whenever he sees you online. You will feel overjoyed. Flabbergasted. Everything. But once he started a conversation and about to reach the climax, he actually said goodbye. This happened way too many times. And because of this, I don't quite want to look forward to see him online and talking to me. And every time you tried to make things happen, he turns you down without realising it. SMS, one obvious example.

Hey, I don't expect December to happen. All I expect is some sincerity in your words, again.
That's all.

Alright, Silas Abdul Razak?
I'm sorry, but I gotta let this out. :'(

There, in simpler terms, I do miss Silas, very very very much. I've said this many times, I know. And it's because I've always missed him.

And I feel envious seeing couples coupling up together, walking around joking/laughing/smiling and most of all, being loved. I have the tendency to think back and regret for not giving those good boyfriends I have a good relationship. I do get jealous but hey, of course not that jealousy which I will want to snatch their boyfriends away. I feel good for those couples but i don't feel good nor nice about myself. Being single is actually a good thing. Being attached is also a great thing. I don't know. I feel I'm actually loosing out so much things in life right now. Having said, being alone most of the times in my life is sucha bore and awkward. I feel useless all this while. Sometimes, even you're bestest friend won't be with you. Independence I guess. Yeah, let's discover what's for tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.

Friday, October 17, 2008

You know how much I despise liars, right? Even if it's the smallest, littlest matter. I still do hate liars and the lies they come up with. EAT SHIT.

That's me. So don't try to lie to me cause you're lying with a liar, so yeah. hahahah.

Okay, this entry doesn't start right.

Arif, you were awesome just now. I'm so proud of you buddy. Real proud. But I don't know if this means a thing to you.

I'm bored, bored, bored.

I've been playing Winning Eleven with my guy classmates in class since yesterday. Thanks to Nabil for forcing me to play with him and now, I'm hooked to that game! I drag Luqman and he actually played alot of games with me. FUN, Oh yeah, I won Al. Awesome feeling you know, to win against a guy. hahaha. Never mind. Go Irah!

I've been singing Aerosmith's 'I don't wanna miss a thing' in class and I'm sure people around me are sick and so tired of hearing it over and over and over again. Thunder is also a hit in school right now, I wonder why.

I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed these people;
Arif; to teach me and penetrate through all those smart people in class and strive to top 3!
Ario; to teach me guitaring
Mr Sim; work with me on my clarinet skills! esp my solos! gah!
Daddy; BRACE
Parents; Settle my Perth Trip's Air ticket cash amount.
....
...
......

Okay, this is going no where. I'm bored with my own entry.
otak mati.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

To my surprise, many blogger users have tagged me to relink them. Somehow, after receiving those tags, I don't feel like changing my link. But hey, euphoria is taken alright. Thanks.

I must say, I do miss millions of stuff & people.

Okay, weird cause I have tons of things to blog about but the minute I started this entry, I've forgotten every single thing I wanna talk about.

Oh well, I've always wanted to fall sick during the school periods. Yeah, so that I could take off day and rest and just provide letter or MC. But that didn't happened. The good thing is, I haven't been absent from school since the year started. Congratulations. But why? Why must I fall sick now, when exams are over and there's not much point to go to school now.

And yeah, last Monday I didn't attend school.

Hari Raya;

I swore to myself that I won't go out with my friends no matter how hard they try to drag me out. I said no to Fee, Nabil & class & those band mates to asked me out. I didn't want to. Not that I can't go out but it's just that I don't feel like going out to Raya. But somehow, Nabil got the hang of it and after lots of pleading and forces, I tagged along at the last minutes. Nabil said he can't wear green cause his mother already ironed the white one for him. So, no choice, we're out of colour. But what touches me is that the mother actually ironed the green Baju Kurung so that he can changed into that when we came to his house. How sweet (: And yeah, many parents thought we are an item. We're not, alright mommy's. haha.

Fun day I must say. Last house, Saiful's house. Didn't eat cause I was exhausted and all I wanted was sleep. Thanks to small Saiful & Luqman for walking me almost home. Thanks to Umar for walking me until we reach right under my block and ended off the day with " Goodnight ".

First time Umar is being nice maaan! haha. Got home almost 12 midnight, chatted & watched TV with dad for awhile. Washed up and knocked myself down.

I've been sharing my stories with my Aunty and she seems to be the best actually. She totally understand every single bit of shit I am going & have gone through. She knocked sense into me and console me at certain time. What almost made me cry was what she said today on MSN.

I understand every single thing you're going through girl. I love every single nieces and nephews just like how I love my own child. I know how you feel when everyone is throwing remarks on you while you're defending yourself on your own.

She said she is very proud of me of my results that actually promoted me to 4NA next year, eventhough she knew I could have done waaay better. She said she will definitely get a reward for me. She also mentioned that My Mother will be proud when I break this news to her. But guess what? I broke the news and she actually didn't congratulate me. Her tone, her words made me wanna take back and keep it to myself. I told her my marks are enough to be in 4NA.

Somehow, beating around the bush, she thought I wasn't promoted, I was PUSHED UP.

How harsh can that be? You decide.

As for me, I wanted to break down on the spot. I honestly know that I can do better but hey, I have alot of things to think about previously. And exams isn't easy. But she wouldn't understand. Shit, no point saying all this. Seriously.

Some things, I would do it just because I wanna satisfy her. And what satisfy her is best for my future. I know and always knew. But somethings have got to be my way because that some things, is what I want it to be in MY future. Please, I wanna be 15. I've got the digits, but I don't receive any respect or the way I'm suppose to be treated.

If there's a way of suicidal which is not a crime, I would have done it eversince I've started trying to gain her trust back. Roughly, a year ago.